The pharmaceutical giant Pfizer has announced an endorsement by the Divine Physician, a top medical expert, in what many critics are calling a “desperate” attempt for relevance.
The biomedical company surged to public attention in 2020 after announcing development of new, mRNA COVID-19 vaccines. Millions took the shot in an effort to curb the spread of coronavirus, with Pfizer making record profits and garnering increased media and regulatory praise.
But after it became clear the vaccine had limited long-term success, Pfizer’s public and economic stock plummeted. Marketing experts say this move indicates the company is searching for ways to get back to the top.
“We know that many Christians don’t like us after the biomedical-industrial complex shut down their churches and forced them to take an untested substance some felt was connected to abortion,” a Pfizer spokeswoman said. “That is why we at Pfizer are proud to announce an endorsement we think Christians will very much appreciate–the Divine Physician himself!”
The spokeswoman then unveiled an icon called “Christ the Divine Research Scientist.”
“9 out of 10 Divine medical experts still recommend frequent vaccination against the COVID-19 virus,” she explained. “Booster shots are the best way to protect you and your loved ones against recurring coronavirus infections.”
At press time, chipping paint revealed “Christ the Divine Research Scientist” was just a painted over portrait of Dr. Fauci.
