Biblica, the publishers of the New International Version of the Bible, told reporters they have updated their publications to “more accurately reflect modern English.”
The infamous and controversial “number of the beast” phrasing has been replaced with “COVID-19 vaccine,” in a move experts say will help sell more Bibles.
“Frankly, this is long overdue,” local pastor Jim McJimbo told The Daily Inquisition. “It’s been clear for literally days now that the mark of the beast John prophesies is, unquestionably, these new mRNA vaccines. Leaving it ambiguous in the Scriptures just adds confusion.”
Scholars started to suspect the vaccine was the fulfillment of Revelation’s cryptic warnings whenever governments began to require it for buying or selling, or eating in restaurants. The suspicion was all but confirmed when it was leaked that Pfizer had 666 scientists working on a booster shot already.
Biblica says that not only will the phrases “mark of the beast” or “number of the beast” be replaced, but also similar references throughout the whole of Scripture. Christians are encouraged to buy the new version to see all the changes for themselves, but several tantalizing modifications have already been released, including: “the horrible abomination” replaced with “COVID vaccine card,” “the accuser” with “Moderna,” and of course, “the Evil One” with “Dr. Fauci.”
Originally published May 30, 2022
