Catholics around the world rejoiced today as Nancy Pelosi publicly converted to Catholicism after watching Shia LeBeouf speak on his recent conversion.
Pelosi was notorious for being publicly hostile to the Catholic Church. Despite being technically Catholic, American Catholics of all persuasions have long realized her need for conversion. This has only increased after Archbishop Cordileone of San Francisco has banned her from Communion in his diocese.
Multiple witnesses report Pelosi watched Shia LeBeouf’s testimony of his coming to faith with tears in her eyes, immediately afterwards taking to Twitter to follow his example. She later posted an impassioned, heartfelt apology to the Holy Father and to all Catholics everywhere for her sins, and pledged to follow Jesus Christ even more closely than before.
Surprisingly, the Catholics who were most vocally calling for her conversion seemed largely unimpressed by her newfound faith.
“Yeah, its great I guess,” said Bruce Meloni, who heads the Facebook group “Spiritual warfare against Nancy Pelosi’s demon-evil.” He appeared visibly angry at the news Nancy Pelosi had repented of all her former sin.
“I just think she was really great at galvanizing the Church towards righteousness by her public sinning. That’s just a shame to lose, ya know? Plus, that Archbishop Cordileone thing was pretty awesome. I’ll sure miss that,” he said with hunger in his eyes.
At press time, Meloni and his group were praying Pelosi slides back into evil so that Cordileone could give her another smackdown.
Originally published Aug 26, 2022
