UNITED STATES—a local man sources say is a “total moron” and “a stupid head” has put in motion a new satirical news organization, according to the man’s blog “mylittleponyfan420.disney.com.” Anonymous sources describe the dim-wit, who also prefers to remain anonymous, as “completely unaware” of the massive workload such an undertaking demands, and gives him “maybe 3-4 days, tops, before he calls it quits.”
“I really don’t think he has the intellectual gifts to consistently come up with creative, engaging, and original material,” Adam Ford told us. Ford says he is familiar with the nincompoop from his frequent comments on Ford’s website, The Babylon Bee. He continued, “honestly I’d be surprised if he’s made it past step one.”
This publication reached out to the turbo-nerd and confirmed he doesn’t even have a name for his organization.
The dork-machine likewise seems out of touch with current events, and has adopted the pseudonym “Mr. Smoke” because he “thinks it sounds cool”, when really it just makes him sound like a failed 90s rapper. All of this suggests Mr. Smoke is too dense to maintain the capital needed to come up with branding, purchase a domain name, and rally enough pity to convince his siblings to write some articles for him.
Our reporters saw Mr. Smoke typing potential names on his mom’s computer, but could only manage uninspired rip-offs of the websites he spends most of his time on, such as “The Shallot,” “The Chaldean Beetle,” and “CNN.”
At press time, Mr. Smoke was last seen pouring himself a glass of cough syrup and trying again to reach Adam Ford.
Originally published Jan 1, 2020
