A car crashed through a security gate in Vatican City on Thursday night, before the driver was arrested by the Vatican police outside of St. Peter’s.
Vatican City’s gendarmes, responsible for security in the tiny nation, shot at the car as it ran through checkpoints in an effort to immobilize it.
Though initial reports speculated terrorism or other criminal activity, further investigation revealed the driver was just trying to tell Pope Francis about his Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.
“I was worried that, if the pope doesn’t become a Christian, he wouldn’t be saved,” said Elder Fred, who was proselytizing for the Church of Latter Day Saints. “It’s my duty to reach out to everyone, especially notorious sinners like Pope Francis.”
Police reports say Elder Fred, 19, was only trying to drive up to ring the Pope’s doorbell and hand him some literature. Due to several misunderstandings, however, the young missionary appeared to police to be making an attempt on the Pope’s life.
“It turns out he only speaks English, so he didn’t understand our Italian signs nor commands,” said Gianluca Gauzzi Broccoletti, Inspector General for the Corps of Gendarmerie. “It really was all just a funny misunderstanding!”
He laughed, before continuing, “But unfortunately Papal law is quite strict on this, and he must be drawn and quartered.”
“Now I’m thinking we should’ve changed the laws after 1603,” he giggled.
The Pope himself said he “felt terrible” about what happened, and wanted to visit the boy in jail to apologize for the incident. The Pope said the visit “went well” considering the circumstances, and the youth was in good spirits.
“Elder Fred gave me the pamphlets, which I felt obligated to accept after what happened,” Pope Francis recalled.
“And to be honest…they make a lot of sense.”
At press time, the Pope was meeting with Elder Frank again in his prison cell to hear more about “this Jesus guy.”
