Citing the need to make sacrifices “to meet people where they are,” local Youth Minister Carlos Zereguez has recently embraced atheism in an attempt to stay relevant with young people.
“You keep hearing about the rise of the ‘nones’ and how less and less Gen Zers believe in God,” Zereguez said. “If I’m going to fit in and be cool, I’ve got to start showing WAY less interest in religion.”
Zereguez noted that in order to effectively minister to the youth, he had to adapt himself to their styles, interests, speech, behaviors, vices, and beliefs.
“It’s only then that they’ll be able to hear my message and receive the Gospel of Jesus Christ, which brings so much joy and salvation,” he said. “Er, or I mean which is a totally lame waste of everyone’s time, and isn’t even true. No cap, dawg.”
The pastor said he heard youth group meetings were becoming well attended after Zereguez stopped talking about God completely, and just set up a weekly-recurring Fortnite tournament. However, other sources report the gatherings were sometimes awkward, as the youth leader would frequently spout condemnations of religious “sheep” and their hypocrisy.
“Uhh this guy is super sus with that atheism stuff,” one teen said. “Why can’t he just preach a morally-relativistic therapeutic comfort blanket like everyone else?”
At press time, Zereguez was frantically presenting himself as transgender in order to stay ahead of the curve.
